I don't hide my personality from anyone Sally. I also never "act" like someone's friend, when really I don't like them...just to get something out of them that I don't deserve. I believe your friendship was sincere, and I know my love for you was real. I still hope the best for you.
I don't talk out of both sides of my mouth either Sally. If I play "competitive intelligence" games with others, I even do that with honesty...brutal honesty. I also keep it legal. And then I publish everything I say.
I'm glad you posted all that chat. It's a lot of circles, but it boils down to:
I got $5,000 worth of writing work.
I paid my friends, and other new writers I didn't know .03 per word, even though I knew they (especially you and Carol) would be willing to work for a lot less.
I had trouble getting paid because Billy (who is now fired as I predicted) screwed up, and tried to put the blame on our team.
I fought with a multi-million dollar company, w/o a lawyer, forcefully but legally to collect our money.
I won the battle, collected, and paid everyone as promised...keeping no more than about $500 for myself, less than I paid you to manage it.
Since July, and while all this work was going on, I've worked hard at setting up all sorts of systems and strategies, to enable hard working people like us to make a minimum of .03 per word. (and not have to beg for or fight for our money) You were my right hand, my project manager. and you were awesome at it!
Of course you are a freelancer, and I didn't have an "exclusivity" agreement with you. I know you write for AC and Factoidz still, and that was okay, I had a way to deal with that, and pull some advantages out of it for you and the team. But...
Going to Marcus wasn't a mistake either. Yes, I had no problem with you being my "guy on the inside" for competitive intelligence reasons, while I was trying to collect on the contract they were refusing to pay on. We discussed that. After he somehow contacted you to say Billy got fired, it's fine that you communicated with him, even if it was try to get work, that you say you wouldn't take, because you saw what I had to go through to collect. But here is your big screw up that undermines everything I'm trying to accomplish...
He asked you specifically what you would charge, and you answered $6-$8!!!! For the same work that I managed to charge him a "living wage" for, only five weeks later!! You did all this behind my back. You knew it was underhanded, that's why you "forgot to tell me" about it. I tell you everything. I keep the rest of our team informed to the point that they are probably sick of hearing it! LOL. Transparency. Transparency. Transparency. For real!
I have about three secrets regarding this business. Each of them are just very technical. I would only tell them to a potential investor after an iron clad non-disclosure agreement. Hopefully, I won't need an investor. Even with you speaking against me as a "former friend" I think my plan is a good one, that people will sign onto even if they know what an asshole I am...I don't hide this side of me.
I'm setting it all up so no one can be ripped off. I'm not Mike Quoc. They won't even lose anything if my plan fails. If it is a success, like it has been so far, even though there is plenty of room for improvement,. and lots of work to be done, then that success will be shared fairly among everyone who participated, according to how much they participated...Again, I'm not Mike Quoc. I'm not going to screw over the same people who helped make my ideas a success.
I'm working hard on an algorithm. When I'm done, it is going to be the key to all of us earning a fair wage for our craft. People like you who don't understand their true value, and bid cut-throat prices and work for slave wages are going to crash and burn along with the content farms and black hat SEOers who keep you busy at $3.00 per hour. If you don't, then you will just be working against us and making it difficult for those who know that their time and talent is worth more that 50% of minimum wage to earn a living at this. Is that what you want? Misery loves company, I guess poverty does too.
But man, I hate poverty! It's been four years now for me. I'm getting the hell out of this poverty pit. I'm confident that I know the way. As a group effort it's all the more likely to happen...there is strength in numbers. I really was hoping you would have been a part of it. Re-establishing our friendship is only an "I'm sorry I cut everyone's throat with Marcus, I won't ever do it again" away...
I really don't want to stir the pot, so to speak, so I will just tell you to go on with your endeavors without me. You failed to 'hear' anything I had to say, which tells me you don't know me at all. You enjoy being vindictive, and I don't want vindictive people in my life. Please forget we were ever friends. I wish you well. I won't be coming back here to comment. I don't want the stress and I don't want the hassle. I didn't do what I did with an intent to work for him.. it was just a follow up email to see what he would say.... I already knew that he would want nothing to do with me because of my association with you. I have nothing to apologize for, because I had no intent to screw anyone over.
ReplyDeleteSince you don't know me after all these years and I haven't proven myself as a friend to you, then we aren't friends. We are just two people who thought they knew each other.
Go on without me Kevin. I'm done. I'm deleting the gadget on my Google page that notifies me of anymore stuff from BCS blog. I've stopped following your blog.. so let's just part ways now. My future depends on it.
You are still not telling the truth. Stiack to the story as it really happened...But you are done with the story. You are currently working for Mike Quoc, doing exactly the same thing you were going to do for Bangari. Mike Quoc doesn't pay either. He is a rip-off. You owe it to yourself and the rest of us, Sally, not to give away your talent and efforts...to con artists.
ReplyDeleteYou will always be welcome back Sally. Even more, I hope we can be friends again. Maybe someday.
I said I wouldn't be back on your blog, but you invade my sleep. The trust is gone, so we have nothing left. It still hurts me beyond words that you don't believe me.
ReplyDeleteYes I am writing for Factoidz because it is low stress. I've not been able to focus on any demanding work since we stopped being friends. Since we 'broke up' I feel like a death has occured. It's been much worse than when I lost the live of my life. That divorce wasn't near as hard on me as the 'divorce' between us.
I have lost my passion for writing health and medical articles. I just want to write now for the enjoyment of it on topics that interest me. It's less stressful.
I don't know where we will go from here. I hope you do well with your business. I can't come back to work with you. It's clear to me that you don't trust me.
Kevin if I could take that impulse back to see what Marcus would say, I would. But I can't. I never expected him to ask me what I would charge. It didn't even occur to me to suggest 3 cents a word because I wasn't serious in the first place. It was never my intention to undermine you. I knew you had lost this client. If he had said yes he was interested I would have emailed you. But his first words were that he wanted no part of you or anyone connected to you. Then out if curiosity he asks what I would charge. I knew he wasn't serious so I wasn't either. His next email to me was that he would pass on my offer.
You didn't believe me then and you don't believe me now so we have nothing to build on for a working relationship.
I still live you very much and I miss you. I'm just trying to heal now. I'm not capable of much anymore. I'm searching for a new path for my life to take now. I'm just waiting on the Lird to open a window for me. I may sell Avon or something. My heart isn't in this anymore.
Sorry for the typos, the iphone doesn't always put the words as I type them.. live instead of love... I was in bed.. I hope I can sleep now that I have hopefully expressed myself well enough to clear my head.
ReplyDeleteNo one understood the affection I had and still have for you. You went out of your way to ruin me with Trish... that didn't occur, but she was hurt. I have to sever my relationship with you to work for her. I don't even want to work for her now either... I've just lost my mojo, and I can't get it back... so I need to find a new path now apart from you or Trish.
Funny thing, I mainly wanted your approval on that diabetic article. I did sort of lose my head when you told me my article was worth $300 and I was only getting $35 for it.
I have nothing to give anymore. I feel as dead as the valley of dry bones.
I wish you the best Kevin. I know you will succeed. Even though I can't be with you, I will be your silent cheerleader, wishing you to make a good living for yourself and those who work for you.
Sal
I still haven't slept... so it's been an all nighter that you have been on my mind. I think I'm a pretty good person... you have known me and should know my character by now, if you ever knew me at all. However, I do have one character flaw... that is impulse control. I think you have that same flaw to some degree.. maybe not... but I kind of think so.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could have fought the impulse OR at least notified you that I had heard from Marcus first and then taken direction from you if you wanted to go there, but I didn't. I followed my impulse to just see what he would say. Of course I had hopes that he would say Yes.. even though I hate spinning.. it would have been good for the team if he had said yes... you would have to have been out of it though... BUT his attitude was more like "Hell NO!"... and then beneath that was his question... which wasn't serious. I may not have all the business sense that you do Kevin, but I'm far from stupid. I am intuitive, and I knew from his attitude that his question was for nothing.
I can't unring that bell... I can't change my actions. I can't make it sound worse than it is to make you feel better. I had no intent to throw the team under the bus. If he had said Yes.. which I knew he wouldn't... but still I hoped... I could have said.. look boss.. he's interested! Where should I go from here... but it didn't work out that way...
Because I have lost you as a friend, I know that I have to start fresh and find a new life for myself. You and Bangari was my everything... you gave me a reason to wake up in the mornings.. you gave me purpose... and now that ship has sailed due to a trust issue. I can't make you believe me, and I won't try. I don't know why i keep coming back here, because the more I come back the more I show my vulnerability and I hate that about myself.. it shows weakness. It's easier to keep a wall up... you were the only male in my life.. other than my adopted brother and my real brother that I actually bared my soul to. Now I kind of feel stupid because the friendship was much more valuable to me than the job.. yet the job was everything too.. it shows you I have no life of my own... so now I need to find a life for me where I can feel good about myself again.
Sorry I rattled on all night.. but it is only because I can't sleep. I just took an antianxiety pill to help settle me down.. so I hope I won't say anything else stupid. I'm going to hate myself when I finally do wake up after getting some rest, for letting my heart speak instead of my head.
Well.. I guess all who read this will be waiting for further installments of the Kevin and Sally Soap Opera.. since this is a public blog... I just don't care anymore what people think. I can't work with you, but that doesn't stop me from grieving your loss in my life. I'm just going on like a mental patient.. so I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. I don't expect it to be the same for you... you are a man and most men don't have feelings in the same way.. the testosterone cancels them out... I think. Shut up Sal and go to bed. Now I'm talking to myself... Geesh! Gnite.
Goodnight/good morning. or whatever..
Sal
Sally,
ReplyDeleteI had to take a couple days off (first ones since before we started the Billy project) I love you too Sally. We have been friends for so long. Of course I trust you! I didn’t want to “divorce you.” You have no idea how much this endeavor needs you. It always has. It still does. Please come back!
I know that everything you said in these posts is true. I knew that it was just an “impulse” and wasn’t a big deal and you had no intentions of undermining the team. I’m a big believer in personal freedom, and I don’t want to come off as a tyrant. It’s just that I didn’t think it was fair that you didn’t keep me in the loop with what was going on. I told you everything. When I confronted you, you cut me off. If you didn’t “block me” and gave me more time to bring it all around, this “divorce” never would have happened.
I don’t blame you for reacting that way. We all know that I can be mean when I’m pissed, and I’m never going to win a tactfulness award! I’m sorry that this has been bothering you as much as it has for as long as it has. I forget that other people (men and women) have higher levels of sensitivity and empathy than I do. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, or that I haven’t felt a great loss since our falling out, because I have, and I want more than anything to put it all behind us and be friends and team mates again.
Coincidentally, I just found out last night that I’m not an evil psychopath...LOL. Really, when I see the amount of compassion others have compared to me, I worry that there is something wrong with me. But I saw this study that shows that some people’s brains (especially men) are hardwired in a way that allows them to “shut down” their empathy, and become “temporary psychopaths” when they witness injustice, or innocent people being hurt. This is common in soldiers. It enables them to fight for their country, out of love for their people...and kill the enemy if they have to in order to protect and defend.
I did go out of my way to give Trish that info. I was trying to get you both to realize that it’s important collaborate rather than compete in this business. It can’t be about owners and bosses and workers, etc. We have to be independent, yet loyal to each other and our industry: Online Content Production. We have to demand an honest wage for an honest effort. I was upset with you because I thought that after all I’ve said and done to show you that your work was worth a lot more than you thought it was, and a lot more than you had been getting for it, that you didn’t believe me, and were willing to go back to “giving it away.” (whether to Marcus or Trish)
You are a total sweetheart Sally, and I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone. Maybe just yourself sometimes. I’m sorry for every minute of sleeplessness I caused you. Please forgive me, and know that I’m over anything that I may have been mad about, and I want you back. We need you! Please say “yes!”
I don't know what to do anymore. My mind has sort of shut down with this depression I've been in. I do accept your apology.
ReplyDeleteI do have to work on my impulse control, because I do sometimes act before I think things through.
I don't know how things are going to work now with the new system. I'm thinking that it is something like AC with your algorithm... but what we write and it sits in the gallery... when do we get any income off off them? Do we have to request? I know this is all in its infancy and you may not have all the answers.
If I do come back, I can't work 16 plus hours a day, because I was burned out and sometimes couldn't even communicate due to stress.
I plan on being an Avon representative... I think it would be a good change for me. Let me work at my pace.
First try to tell me what you want me to do... As you know Factoidz pays us every month... I only made $16 for 21 articles, but they were no brainer articles so I don't really care... they kept me busy during a time when I could barely function.
I'm sorry too for saying the things I said to you in that chat.. I was angry with you for being angry with me, which is why I said I didn't need you. You had hurt me so I hurt you back.. I'm sorry too.
You are very smart and I know if anyone can make this kind of business work out, you will. You may even get investers, like you mentioned.. that would go far.
I've made a commitment to sell Avon... I think I need this change for my mental health... so please don't expect me to drive myself like I did before. I just can't do it Kevin.
I do need direction though.. I've been out of the loop for about a month now... so I don't know what the game plan is.
I unblocked you from the chat.. but it never shows you online so I don't know if it works now or not.
I need to know how this will pay out, simply for the sake of my finances.. otherwise I have to keep writing for other venues like AC and Factoidz. They don't pay much but I made over $100 with AC last month which was needed. I'm not trying to just think about money.. but I do have to plan for my needs.
I love you so much Kevin... I have missed you in my life.
Thank you for trusting me... that hurt so much to think you didn't.
Sal
Can you set me up on the gallery like everyone else is?
ReplyDeleteThanks
Sal
Absolutely...I'm falling behind. I shouldn't have taken the weekend off. I have to go do some work in the real world the next few days, but I'm earning some cash that I will be using for the payout I'll be doing tonight or tomorrow. Sorry, everyone, for the delay. I'll be right back to it! Great to have you back Sal!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much. I have the two SEO articles and this one relationship article to submit to the books.
ReplyDeleteHi Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of out of the loop, so I'm not sure what to do. I wrote 2 relationship articles and shared them with you... I don't have the emails of the team, because they were deleted when we 'broke up'..
Anyway.. do you need me to spin these articles?
I don't know the data I am supposed to put on them... RSA and all that stuff... I have lost all that stuff and have no access to the other stuff I did that had that info on it.. I think you might have unshared all my work I did with me before.
Anyway... I did that much... I put my info on those articles in the work completed form.. and also the seo articles I did I put in there.
I don't know what else to do. Since we aren't doing the old Billy stuff.. I'm kind of lost. Hope I will find my way soon.
Sal
Don't worry. It's my fault. I was on such a good roll, and then I took a couple days off, then got bombarded with other stuff since the weekend, and I haven't been on the computer more than a couple hours a day.
ReplyDeleteI'll share the Billy files with you. Start with the Liberator Medical ones. You still have those right? Those guys are advertising like crazy. Did you see their ad on Factoidz? It's everywhere. When we post this content we are going to get a lot of revenue from it if they keep up their AdSense Campaign, and we have a head start! And best of all, we got you back, and you know your shit!
So what do I do? Rewrite the catheter and colostomy articles and make spins of them? I'll start writing this evening and wait to hear from you.
ReplyDeleteI'll also keep working on the celibacy articles too. Maybe one every day or two.
ReplyDeleteI have access to the catheter articles through the Liberator Medical pay sheet I saw... So I made a list and I will rewrite these. I won't ask Carol because I already did ask her and she turned me down when I asked her before. I will have the joy of doing these.. these are no brainers for me. I'll take the money honey!!!!! :P)
ReplyDeleteOkay I have one catheter article done and it is in its own collection... I shared it with you.. and I have 3 celibacy articles done and they are in their own collection also. I'm going to bed now.
ReplyDelete